Decorating characters in video games can be a lot of fun. While armour and camouflage have their practical uses, it can be great fun to suit up a character or avatar in some sweet-looking gear to help them stand out or look cool. Some game developers will go wild and implement a plethora of silly hats and ridiculous threads into their titles. Here’s a question: have you ever battled terrorists in a panda suit?
Alas, the silliness doesn’t stop there. These are 5 unbelievable outfits in video games.
Towering Pillar of Hats – Team Fortress 2
Considering the amount of cosmetic items on-sale in Valve’s cartoon-ish team-based shooter Team Fortress 2, it’s no surprise that they describe their own game as a “war-themed hat simulator”. Quite possibly the most gentlemanly hat you can acquire is the Towering Pillar of Hats, made up of not one, nor two, but THREE majestic pieces of headgear.
The tongue-in-cheek item description was donated by a fan in a Hat Describing Contest back in 2010, where TF2 players would write humorous descriptions for various cosmetic items in hopes of having them implemented in the game. “A-ha-ha! You are as PRESUMPTUOUS as you are POOR and IRISH,” exclaims the item’s description. “Tarnish notte the majesty of my TOWER of HATS.”
Remember, in Team Fortress 2, anyone wearing a non-default hat is treated like a normal human being, even ones as eccentric as this.
Crow – Hitman Blood Money
One of the most popular levels in the stealth-action Hitman series is “The Murder of Crows” from the fourth entry in the series, Hitman: Blood Money. The silent assassin Agent 47 must eliminate three contract killers before they murder a politician during a Mardi Gras parade.
Patrolling the streets of New Orleans are bodyguards dressed up in brightly coloured bird outfits and armed with SMGs. 47 can knock out a guard and steal their festive clothing for his own needs. In the sequel, Hitman: Absolution, this outfit could be found and equipped in a tailor’s shop, ready to be used for online play. A bonus cutscene will play if 47 leaves while dressed up in the crow outfit; a passerby will laugh at him as he walks out nonchalantly.
Admittedly, it can be difficult to keep a straight face when the world’s greatest hitman is strolling around in an outfit like this.
Fly Camouflage – Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater
Camouflage is essential in Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater. Secret agent Naked Snake must sneak through Soviet territory to destroy a bipedal tank, something that could tip the Cold War in Russia’s favour. He’ll need to sneak through humid jungles, heavily-fortified bases, and rocky mountain tops undetected, in order to complete his mission.
The ‘Fly Camouflage’ outfit was created by a fan during an outfit design contest. It’s covered with cartoonish pictures of stinky blobs of poo. This suit is not particularly handy for keeping you hidden, but it has a special ability. Should you get caught in a close-quarter battle, enemies will think twice about getting close to stab you, making it great for close-quarter combat. They won’t dare try and rescue any comrades being used as human shields.
In fact, the fly camouflage is so stinky, flies will fly around Snake if he wears it for too long. Deodorant won’t be of much use here.
Grand Pooh-bah Hat – Duke Nukem Forever
Duke Nukem Forever was delayed due a plethora of project restarts, and sadly failed to impress upon its highly-anticipated release. Its multiplayer mode received a fairer response, thanks to its blend of modern and old-school deathmatch gameplay, with plenty of unlockable bits of gear to customize Duke with, like the Grand Pooh-bah Hat.
This big pile of blue hair is decorated with a medal and two horns sticking out of its sides. “Only Duke knows what animal this hat is made from,” says the item description. This funky hat originally appeared in The Flintstones, so the only logical explanation is that Duke travelled back in time and stole one of these from Fred and co., after a night of debauchery with some hot cavewomen.
Panda Outfit – Ghost Squad
The light-gun shooter Ghost Squad by SEGA puts you among the ranks of the titular anti-terrorist special forces group. This title’s big selling point was its replayability; each level had multiple paths to choose from. Whether you feel like disabling traps or rescuing hostages, the choice was up to you. Playing the game would earn you experience points for unlocking new weapons and costumes, which could be stored in ID cards to be used again in the arcades.
One special outfit you can unlock is a panda suit. While wearing this outfit will not bring you any additional benefits in-game, you’ll look like the cuddliest black op in the field of battle, no doubt about it. During the in-game cutscenes, your character will be the only member of the team wearing such silly clothing; everyone else will be geared up in black helmets and body armour. Why? Because they’re boring.
And they probably hate pandas, too.
Do you know any unbelievable outfits or hats that you’ve come across in video games? Drop your thoughts below, and be sure share this article!