Let me walk you through a typical game. You hit the start button and are greeted by an utterly horrendous wailing noise. As the game starts, you sprint to the right, run into an enemy soldier and die. Learning your lesson, you sprint to the right, stab the first guy you come across, brush the lapel of some bloke coming down the stairs and die. You start again, stabbing the first guy, waiting for the guy on the stairs, stab him too, climb the stairs, run along a bit and get jumped on by some hopping irritant and die.
And so it goes on. Run a bit, stab a bit, die a lot. It looks crap too, with pathetic, washed out colours, identikit bad guys, big chunky background vehicles and weapons that tease you because you never get to use them and a weird exploding effect when you stab people.
And what the hell is with all this stabbing anyway? You’re on a one man Rambo mission to rescue some hostages and you enter enemy territory with a knife? You’re not Gordon Ramsey, pack a gun for goodness sake.
I hate this game because I remembered it as being good when I was a kid but it’s not, it’s rubbish. I hate this game because I was going to tell you all about how it’s original title was Rush’n Attack, you know like Russian Attack because it’s set during the Cold War, but it annoyed me so much that I can’t be bothered. I hate this game because it lets you pick up a cool flamethrower from the still twitching corpses of explodey-stabbed enemies and then only gives you about 3 shots. I hate this game because it clearly hates you, sending a relentless wave of enemies at you from both sides of the screen as well as from above, not letting you move when attacking, killing you when you come into contact with anyone and ARMING YOU WITH A KNIFE.
I played it on the Spectrum and that version was crap too, with the added bonus of enemies that colour clash into the scenery or just disappear completely.